Anticipation

My wife calls me the "King of Anticipation." She does not intend it to be a compliment.

Now, look, not only is it hard for me to title a post after a freakin' Carly Simon song, let alone one that conjures up memories of an ad for ketchup, but to publicly acknowledge that my wife is correct in this critique, well...

I'm pretty sure it was Thomas Jefferson who said, "Our disappointments in life are almost always tied to our expectations, and almost never to our circumstances." (It was either him or one of my early dates, but I digress...)

Checking the list of circumstances: I know the surgery was "successful." I know the incision isn't infected. I know that I can't work yet, but that I can't play with the kids or swing a golf club either. My circumstances, candidly, aren't all that bad, despite all the incredible friends and family who keep sending their support, their well wishes and saying, "I am really sorry this happened to you..."

Perhaps, if my circumstances ain't that dire, some of the expectations ought to come under the microscope. My own expectations -- for a full, fast, complete recovery -- one that allows me to salvage not only some of the summer with the kids, but to give my wife back enough of her summer (they are danged short here, let me tell you) that she gets to enjoy some sunshine before the hectic school year starts back up. My kids -- "Daddy, when will / can you pick me up again?" "Daddy, when can we play golf together?" Daddy, when can we go to see Grandmas and Aunts and Uncles...?"

Other expectations, and some of the questions they beg, creep in to the anticipatory mind, too.

How aggressive can I be in addressing the changes that have occurred in the three months I've been away from work? How much of what I've envisioned as the industry has continued to change radically will I be able to implement, and how quickly? In general, both physically, culturally and mentally, how much will I have to pace myself? When can I travel again, and how much am I willing to be gone?

As my wife tells me, "you just don't know the answers, so let it happen." As my Faith tells me, it's all part of a plan, and the hard part for dopes like me is balancing the use of our gifts and talents within the plans of He who gave them to us in the first place. (I joke that I quit praying for patience, because I didn't like the way God answered those prayers...)

All joking aside, I am comfortable with my circumstances. I broke my neck. Big deal. I could have died or been paralyzed. I could be in a dramatically more difficult place than I am, physically and in all other aspects. In short, I have it better than 99.9765% of the people on the planet so if I'm disappointed, them shame on me.

If our disappointments stem more from what we expect than from what we encounter, and I believe they do, here's to working harder to remember what blessings I have, and to applying the wisdom, ability and resources available to me to make the most of what comes next -- whatever it might be.